The more I know the less I fear

People say that often when a couple adopts it results in a pregnancy. I have been blessed with 3 amazing step kids so I don't feel the need to adopt. I just would like to make a little person. When I voice it it sounds weird and even a little selfish. I put it in God's hands.  Most of the time I don't let myself be bothered with the idea of pregnancy until the topic comes up again and I have to do something about it and trust God some more. The stage of infertility that I am in right now is about knowledge. To the outsider it may look like i'm obsessing and to some extant I am.  I spend all my time online researching and keeping a graph of my symptoms and temperatures. I admit it is stressing me. I cried a bunch last week but that was more out of desperation for not understanding why it could not happen to me... not even a miscarriage. I'm surprised how fertility docs don't give you tools but like any changes that have happened in my life it's only when I have said "enough is enough" that I have done the work needed.

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