People are so afraid to die they'll do what they are told.

Our generation has not stopped the life cycle. We still end up recycled into vegetation but the dignity and expectation of imminent death is gone. Instead it has been replaced with a rampant fear of death. "Wear your seatbelt, don't drink and drive, don't smoke, don't drive too fast, don't eat canned Tuna, get your H1N1 shot..." There is no ambiguity, we are ahead of the dark ages but at least back in the day people expected to die or that a sibling would not make it into adulthood. Living happily ever after is the biggest illusion and perfect hook to escalate fear mongering. Instead of promoting a toxic laden cocktail to supposedly keep you alive and showing people crying on the news, the media/government should promote grief counseling and calmly inculcate rational thought processes. Instead, just like for the bale out plan, they are promoting fear in order to pass us an onion. That's why I am living purposefully now with eternity in mind. What is your exit plan? Are you afraid to die?

I was noticing how the fear of death has become the motivator of choice to push a science experience on society. Things were different a few months ago. It used to be that the lure of financial success made the world go round... until the bail out. I won't be bullied into an oblivion. The internet is there for everyone. We have the right to make decisions for ourselves. I chose to eat foods with nutrients and to take supplements... A healthy immune system is built as lifestyle not a quick fix.

Prepared to be self sufficient

All day yesterday I kept busy and did not even observe their growth. I didn't believe they would bloom and I wasn't prepared to nurture or dispose of the incriminating evidence. The cable guy came in to set up the home phone. I became worried then that I had initiated a counter cultural miracle. Had he taken interest in what type of plants were being cultivated in the earth laden bins between the TV and the patio door?

The validity of my concern is in jeopardy. At times the thought of what eases me irks him. I was wrong to not mention the seeds to him. I wish I hadn't kept him out of process.... yet he was there all along. He of all people takes his time to think things through. I am glad he broached the topic last night. Now we can do something about it together. I was trying to figure it out in my head not if I should tell him or not but what I should do with them. Was I prepared to be self sufficient? Not on my own that is for sure. He knows that I have been interested in the healing components of plants for a long time. I want to make creams, ointments, perfumes and essential oils. It would have been nice of him to propose we plant some this spring and we study together the validity of its proprieties. I am glad he accepted to study the benefits together.

I follow him when he make decisions about the kids; the radio even said that the killing video games were bad for 11 year olds. He give's the kids a big lea way in many things that I wouldn't. I would expect him to do the same when it comes to my pain managing systems. Especially as I am his wife and not his child. I don't see the sense of promoting its negatives when we know that that is a wrong premise. I will not change and if I do it will come from God reflecting upon me to think that abstinence would be the way to go.

Merthin would have understood Caris' nature and not taken offense to the act but in unison come to a universally accepted conclusion. My mistake was to assume that my Love was satisfied with the teamwork we had been doing up until now. I was sure that the plants would be accepted no matter what, if only out of respect . Now that I know what I know I will include him a lot more in everything I think about and do.

ps: that is a reference to the book "Pillars of the earth" we just finished reading.

Crunch time

Never knowing what to expect I think is key. Letting instincts and preparedness lead me to an assured crossover from controlled simplicity to instant destiny transfer.

Can almost tragic situation be the result of an off quiltered thought process? Or since the present is all one is expected to encounter, I can be assured of ultimate guidance and internal preparation when living in the kingdom... that is being uninterested with the results yet active in surrender to destiny and love.

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