Destinator

I'm digging to Jesus and all that ensues as a result of taking limitations as a gift not something to be overcome.... Eternity has begun in my heart. I am focused on the how, not the why, what and when. Who cares what I've left behind my goal is to be curious, laugh, love and forgive. I now combine running and praying. This way every impossible next step I take is taken my Jesus in the Spirit. This pushes my limits. A beautiful discovery for me.

What I know to be true.

It is through my imperfections (emotional or physical) that God introduces the Spirit-prepared individuals with whom I am meant to share the miracles He is doing in my life. For this I must humble myself, embracing my vulnerabilities for the purpose of community.

To excel in loving peace is to trust that Christ is enough as soon something unloving happens, the rest takes care of itself as the Spirit who knows what God wants, loves through me.

So whichever way my action come across, the ball is in the other's court. It then becomes a part of their eternity minded pruning process. All that counts is that while I do what I can, Christ's Holy Spirit who talks to the Father will do the rest.

The inadequate hero

Hi, I am a happy Wife and Step mom to three children. My modeling assignments have picked up. The home church we are leading is enjoying a period of growth in the Spirit. The body of Christ is being activated more and more as each member reaches out with compassion in our community. As time unfolds I'll be fleshing out the kingdom minded concepts that are revealed to me. As I dig in the Word and live out my life... doing what I can and letting God do the rest.

There is a season for everything and not all countries have all seasons.

There is a nursury at the gym and I wondered if taking care of other women's babies would be nice. I love babies these days. Then knowing how attached i am to my step kids, I wondered how attached one could get to another person's child when one is simply payed to care for it... Which led to understanding the pain when a foster child is put back in the system... Then how too often children die before their patents.

A lot goes on in my mind now that we are looking into having a child. My clock is ticking.. Chances are by months end we will have solutions to our questions.. Just knowing could be enough. Finding out is painful as it is, going through with it will lead to joy for sure but also ultimate pain. So this is how I've formulated it to make sence.

In order to bridge the gap from being needy to a giver, one must first be made aware of one's entitled graced position, then proceed without expectations to take ownership of new relationships because to love one day is better then to have never loved at all and that all relationships involve sacrificial commitment. When one loves at the level one is positionaly entitled to with no expectation, love is stronger then pain. So... If one is aware of one's sence of entitlement, one's commitment should not be destructive.

Chasteberry
Dong Quai

Customized destination: The sky is the limit

April 14 09 - I become a Super Hero in the Kingdom
1. When at the end of my rope I start walking in the Holy Spirit.
2. When praying without ceasing become a necessity...
3. When thankfulness is all I feel.
4. When my gracious actions project Christ..
5. When the worlds allure has no more lure
a. Self preservation
b. Self entitlement
6. When whatever happens happens as I revel where God has put me. If he wants me somewhere else he will transport me there.
7. When nothing that happens fazes me because God makes up the difference.. The more I lack the more he becomes God in me.

April 05 09 - Thoughts on communication with God.
For me, spirituality is practical... It is God with me despite myself in the milliseconds... As I humble myself and welcome the present in what ever shape it takes. Every day is a miracle... reading the Word, experiencing nature and sometimes even in an evident personal way.. I am thankful even if things don't work out. I do what I can in the area I am in.... It's not about my goals, dreams, expectations, validations, recognitions etc. Things should go "wrong"... all for the purpose of allowing the strength of God to imbue my being so I can excel for His Glory as events and people are serendipitously brought in my life. James 4:10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up. 1 Thessalonians 5:17-20 Pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

March 13 09 - Life is wonderful!
Find happiness in your circumstance.. not in the hope of getting out of it. When I feel like throwing stones... I remember how I have been graced. Acts 7 In my reality certain people because of their position in my life... at times just rub me the wrong way. They then become a barometer of how my spirit led life is doing... So I turn to God and spend time being thankful in his presence resulting in an Agapeish graced approach... Letting Christ change my feelings, dreams and reality while gracing everyone with kindness is wonderful.. at least a genuine unattached to outcome state of being since my woundednes has been filled and for the time being I am not reacting out of it but proactive in the extension of grace and kindness. :) no strings attached, no expectations and no sense of entitlement just eternal perspective... Kingdom Living all the way!!

1- Give benefit of the doubt by gracing everyone completely
2- Actualize in the moment with kindness.
3- Self sacrifice with compassion
4- Bring pure love to the mix... Eternal perspective
5- No sense of entitlements or self preservation
6- Don't look for bugs just take the day at hand and jump in
7- Not set our hearts on anything...no opinions... roll with it

I have what you want.

Does one's hard work entitle them to a better lifestyle? Does work equate giving to the community? Why do we think that it is the Government's job to help the sick, the poor and single parents? Should we not all help each other?

In the recent past, community has lost its relevance. No longer is there anymore one to one. We rely on a "big charity" or the Government to help the needy but at what price? Our civil liberties are being taken away along with our right to make a difference in someones life. I say let each of us give to Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God's... We don't have to make Caesar do what each of us as God's body should do. Less tax would be less help from the Government but at the same time more possibility to do the right thing with.

Does more Money mean more things or more philanthropic endeavors? Or how about more things that I can share with lesser fortunate people not so much in a specific outreach manner but a way to share life's toys and make friends with the downcast. Which would probably be the present day equivalent of sharing a meal with the poor versus feeding them crumbs.

I wonder if it is it a more noble act to disregard one's wealth in order to eat crumbs with the poor or should the richer share the lifestyle goods communally with all? The answer might be to share with others what God has provided. In a way that propels us into Community and not necessarily to give money to a Charity and then continuing on our independent lifestyles with our niche of friends.

A musing

Compassion is not motivated by a programmed initiative but is revealed through the transformation of one's awareness. Its the revelation that creates an urgency and passion. Jesus is coming soon.

What is in it for me?

Calling "it" for the other
I have found that it is not so much trying to hide from God that is the problem. The answer to my rampant sinfulness was never found until instead of trying not to sin I allowed God to change my desires and situation for me and in the mean time humbly stumble towards Jesus. And of course, we hide because of the lack of love in the church. It must be the other way around. In the company of fellow believers one should feel comfortable to be honest about their spiritual journey.

It is understanding that it is only God in us who can do Good. That is why we must call "it" for the other. It's like playing hot potato. One is never left burning alone. The odds are in our favor that when we think outside ourselves we connect to the good that is in us by partnering with Christ who is perfect love thus bringing about the 4th dimension which is the kingdom of God.

The Circle of grace
What I have come to realize about grace is that it is given to us by God so we can extent it to others. It is the conduit that makes the body of Christ flow. When God says "My grace is sufficient for you", I take it to mean that there is something I can do to be Jesus in the life of another. It helps me to think outside myself and propels me into kingdom living. Grace is not doing it with grace like a ballerina.. it's giving the person some slack. ie: not judging but interacting together as the church in the kingdom. Grace is not expecting anything... It's less of saying it like it is and more of just being humble before God. This way we won't be offended.. acting out of hurt but be more able to dispense love thus grace.

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Busom budies

I moved to the GTA when I married. So my husband's friends became my friends. In the year and a half that I have been here I went out and did an activity with only one women. She is the only one that fascinated me enough to be inconvenienced for. We were similar in that we had the same age and had never given birth. Surrounded by new and older mothers I new that their was a lot we could talk about. Now does that mean that if she lived in the area we could be bosom buddies?

"A friend loves always and in adversity shows himself to be closer then a brother" I think that when you have many things in common the relationship comes easy but it is when one thinks outside themselves and starts to love meaning relate with a person self sacrificially that effort towards bonding is made. I am reminded of Paul who God comforted through Titus. If we interact in love without judgment we are a friend to any member of the body of Christ. And that is probably the most biblical understanding of friendship.

My ultimate connection is with my husband. Other then that I don't look for a friend but to be one as I interact with believers that have different gift sets then me. I think that having a common purpose is a great umbrella for friendships too. So because we share a cottage with certain individuals... they are my friends.

As to sharing the good news to unbelieving friends.... our love for Jesus should permeate our interactions and instigate questions on their part. The spirit prepares and cultivates the hearts. We the body must actively feed the poor and help those who are in need. It is a different concept of what the world thinks a BFF is. Friends purposefully let's God's kingdom and will be done.

My esteemed self

A model is as good as her last job. Then the model must start all over again the rejection process. One needs to find stability outside the industry in order to be able to handle the stress. Here is how I went about it....

A photographer asked my employer (aunt) when i was 13 if I could model. She said no without asking me. I only found out years after I had started modeling locally and internationally... I was 23. My work reflects my life. In the end it is good to have faced sorrow before entering this world. I was able to look for the adventure not the destination. Modeling became my ticket to enter a life full of culture and unheard languages. I've learned I can be more effective when I lower my expectations for the future and am ecstatic about the present. My goal is set on an eternal perspective . I aim to embrace and interact with what surrounds me by extending grace to those around me. (ie: giving a hand to those in need.) That is where my heart is. I first learned to build the right walls by exposing myself to pain. It is as if I tested all types of experience to understand how people live. I then realized the world was full of pain so I took what I new of Jesus and applied it to how I store information in my psyche. soon I started to adapt my action/reaction triggers. Each of our personalities has its roots in what we attach importance to from our often difficult lives. When one attaches a usefulness to the pain it becomes a mere frustration in our one track life. That is how I do it now. My self worth comes from knowing I am used of God. I want to be his hands and feet. Less of me more of others is a nice change. I now live in the now with an eternal perspective.

We all have a chance to build our self esteem from scratch. Many reevaluations take place throughout our lives. Our society is a conglomerate of faulty creatures. God is in the business of rebuilding broken lives. Their is so much hope ahead.

From duck to swan

In retrospect, the ups and downs of life have no affect on the good and the bad. Yesterday my husband and I spent a relaxing evening with friends. We talked, watched football, drank cappuccino then tea, ate pizza all in front of a nice fireplace. There was a book on the coffee table about a women's journey through life.

It made me think of my own rugged journey and how many times I have initiated the process of writing about them only to lose all our data via the theft of our 5 computers (laptops and external hard drives included) last week on my way back from the apple store. Faced with this tragic occurrence we immediately used the moment or any recurrent painful memory of this loss as a opportunity to praise God the all knowing who provides and takes away as he sees fit. Not that He is to be blamed but that in every situation we find ourselves in, there is an opportunity to surrender our agenda and personal misfortune over to Him so that God may be glorified and continue to work out his kingdom in our lives. For a while I wondered what purpose was to be found in my previous life as I wandered away from Christianity. It wasn't Christ I feared or fled but the people attached to the religion. I was reminded in church last Sunday about the story of the prodigal son. Which of the two sons was more prepared to embrace his father's grace? It is easier for the self professed sinner to enter into a graceful union and grow in Christ then a self righteous Christian who has obeyed profusely all of God's laws.

Imperfection brings pain, which is a catalyst for change. In saying this I do not condone a life of sin. But sin is inherent in each of our lives and so as a human seeking a relationship with her God I humbly express a sincere desire to let go of any preconceived notions or any element of self contentment I may have and look forward to writing my thoughts of this wondrous journey of self abandonment to the divine. I might very well never turn these theoretical ramblings into a biography of how my vessel became broken. All I know is that God uses broken vessels. Next thing you know its 10 something pm and we are walking to our car in the cold weather heading back to our crowded condo.

Crunch time

Never knowing what to expect I think is key. Letting instincts and preparedness lead me to an assured crossover from controlled simplicity to instant destiny transfer.

Can almost tragic situation be the result of an off quiltered thought process? Or since the present is all one is expected to encounter, I can be assured of ultimate guidance and internal preparation when living in the kingdom... that is being uninterested with the results yet active in surrender to destiny and love.

Publish Post

I often check out the new applications on facebook

One in particular made me wonder what does it feel like to be pure? Should I be striving for the clarity it brings? Was I pure before my first anything or will I only be after my last anything is done? Does my lack of experience, or a recent washing away of mistakes deliver me from my instinct or habits? Time entails me to explore my delicious apathy (humanity).

I occupy my present when I let go of my pretenses desires, dreams, value, courage and limits and initiate a procedure of thanks for the actual flow that is my life in God's hand. That is what connects me with God. The truth in love. First towards myself for without it no attempt to change will be possible. Then anything that creates a loss of footing propels me into the arms of God joyfully.

The purpose then is peace in the heart whether conflict assails me or not. Otherwise I will never be able to see the truth of other's for what it is... a perspective of reality different then mine.... right Now. Reality.... truth about the mythical and legendary Son of God. Therefore, I suspect that purity is not being whole but loving my handicaps and giving others the benefit of the doubt. This allows me not to get hung up on anything.

Otherwise I will never be able to rethink my position about anything. God is outside the box. A conventional high priority level on the pure meter might be lower then a low score or the board. Arrogance could pull me out of sync and outside freedom. Simplicity with a humble outlook accounts for a melodious realignment. Remember, ignorance (carefree) is bliss but one bird in the hands is not better than two in the bush. The fire refines.

Time will tell.

What is pure

I often check out the new applications. One in particular made me wonder what does it feel like to be pure? Should I be striving for the clarity it brings? Was I pure before my first anything or will I only be after my last anything is done? Does my lack of experience, or a recent washing away of mistakes deliver me from my instinct or habits? Time entails me to explore my delicious apathy (humanity). I occupy my present when I let go of my pretenses desires, dreams, value, courage and limits and initiate a procedure of thanks for the actual flow that is my life in God's hand. That is what connects me with God. The truth in love. First towards myself for without it no attempt to change will be possible. Then anything that creates a loss of footing propels me into the arms of God joyfully. The purpose then is peace in the heart whether conflict assails me or not. Otherwise I will never be able to see the truth of other's for what it is... a perspective of reality different then mine.... right Now. Reality.... truth about the mythical and legendary Son of God. Therefore, I suspect that purity is not being whole but loving my handicaps and giving others the benefit of the doubt. This allows me not to get hung up on anything. Otherwise I will never be able to rethink my position about anything. God is outside the box. A conventional high priority level on the pure meter might be lower then a low score or the board. Arrogance could pull me out of sync and outside freedom. Simplicity with a humble outlook accounts for a melodious realignment. Remember, ignorance (carefree) is bliss but one bird in the hands is not better than two in the bush. The fire refines. Time will tell.

Priscilla:

I know what you mean. will this be part of your book?I must confess, i cannot fornicate (like when i was 20.) I realized this week what it means to be allergic to latex. On medical terms, i can't be in close contact to latex... it means that i have no choice but be faithful to my hubby.
and if my husband was to pass away... I'd be faithful to God. I can't live with the consequences of using a "latex" condom.I certainly couldn't afford the alternative sheep condom... Isn't it funny how life goes. it's God's plan that stand.

There is always a way to do the right or wrong thing. It all depends on what we want. God provides the rest. I have also noticed that he changes and rearranges our desires and the situations around us to fit with his will... helping us attain the ability to excel in His ways.

Getaway

I am taking a moment while my brand new husband is sleeping next to me in the sun by the pool "in the garden of Eden" to write an overview of all that we have seen and done on this magnificent trip of orgasmic proportion.

Day one

On the plane, He talked to a retired marine officer who was on his way to a submarine convention in Naples. The man explained to him how a few families all of which are members of a secret order ran the world. Hilary would run as president for 2 terms followed by Gore. It turned out the officer is a Pentecostal and knew of his story. Cary shared with him some of what he learned from it and showed him Bruxey's book "the irreligious life" but a lot of it went over the man's head. I on the other hand watched the movie "Lyrics and something" spoke minimally with the lady across the isle about her Bahai faith.

We landed in Rome and decided to go straight to Naples by train. We found the station in the airport and were in Naples by the afternoon. The tourist office sold 3day museum passes so we bought 2 before exiting the Naples train station. The city was buzzing with cars and people everywhere. We weaved through it all and made our way across town near the port where we found a cute hotel.

As my love and I forge our way across Italy, I am elated to see how each micro moment has lead us more clearly into this unconscious reality. The way we experience life and interact with each other and the world around us has been a proactive negation of ourselves. God exalted through our desires and humble realization of our humanness.

(Will add the rest of our Italian getaway later)

Walk the talk with AbeO

As we hike, bike, canoe, mountain climb across Quebec. It is an adventure packed pilgrimage reminiscent of the life of Jesus. Loosely based on his physical movements across Israel. Discussions will be initiated based on the how far he walked and what he talked about. You will experience time and distances similar to what the disciples felt while walking and boating and facing the elements for long stretch at a time. So you can absorb Jesus' teaching while being stimulated for action. Learn trust and freedom to face all the Divine appointments sent your way.

These theme-escapades and overnight camping adventures will take us from one BonaVenture campfire musical-art event to another. Our desire is to equip disciples for the Bonaventure ministry and take this concept all over the world on a music tour with them. Jesus did good while rattling the spiritual status quo of his time. Walk the talk is current, relevant, inquisitive and soulful. .At each venue there will be an outreach for needy street kids. The centre conseil grogresse can do their play along with other jesus minded artists performing street style antics. Food for the soul and body tent venues will be established as part of the well run site Bonaventure site.

Abeo wants to encapsulate through present day ruggedness and a chronological script of the life of Jesus, the plausible thought process of those He came in contact with during his ministry. The discussions this ensues will be filmed and presented as a subsequent docudrama-reality on www.abeo.biz, a devotional 07 agenda and interactive dvd would be awesome too. We are looking for people of all ages and background willing to vent, locate and process the effect walking the talk has on their hang ups.

The philosophy behind AbeO is artful cooperation. Join us as we develop the Walk. This highly logistical project will come to fruition if you get involved.. First AbeO will help create a breakdown of all Jesus actions and how far he walked so we can emulate the essence of it. Find exciting activities that will trigger a complete let go of what we deem rational in order to be more easily transformed by the message. The result being excited worship and contemplative longings.

Life with Jesus is an adventure... walk on!!

p.s.: speak with churches, start a chain of information on events happening in the area.. be in the know.

possible ideas:
Sky diving.
Mountain biking.
Canoeing down a river for a couple of days.
Hiking and rock climbing.
White water rafting.
Underground cave rivers.
(on site)
Wake boarding, Skate boarding, trampoline/ gymnastic-bungy.