I have what you want.

Does one's hard work entitle them to a better lifestyle? Does work equate giving to the community? Why do we think that it is the Government's job to help the sick, the poor and single parents? Should we not all help each other?

In the recent past, community has lost its relevance. No longer is there anymore one to one. We rely on a "big charity" or the Government to help the needy but at what price? Our civil liberties are being taken away along with our right to make a difference in someones life. I say let each of us give to Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God's... We don't have to make Caesar do what each of us as God's body should do. Less tax would be less help from the Government but at the same time more possibility to do the right thing with.

Does more Money mean more things or more philanthropic endeavors? Or how about more things that I can share with lesser fortunate people not so much in a specific outreach manner but a way to share life's toys and make friends with the downcast. Which would probably be the present day equivalent of sharing a meal with the poor versus feeding them crumbs.

I wonder if it is it a more noble act to disregard one's wealth in order to eat crumbs with the poor or should the richer share the lifestyle goods communally with all? The answer might be to share with others what God has provided. In a way that propels us into Community and not necessarily to give money to a Charity and then continuing on our independent lifestyles with our niche of friends.

#2outfit

I've been looking for jeans like this for a while and I finally found them in Mississauga. The white shirt is a staple of mine. I love how it flows in contrast to the jaggedness of the pant. As you will notice in my upcoming daily looks the purple turtle neck is an award winner. The neck roll could cover my whole face if bitter cold was oppressing me.

Facebook | Elli Hollands's Photos - Daily outfits

Everyday I will post the outfit of the day using all the clothes I have and those I keep on buying at the salvation army. Of course every piece can be bought or exchanged. I will try to include a garment story with each posting.

#1

• Checkered wool Skirt found in Mississauga. (greens, oranges and purples)
• Antonio Marras shirt that zips from the back. Embroidered lady on the front. Bought in Los Angeles.
• Purple Turtle neck bought in New York on a rainy evening at the unset of the fall.

Facebook | Elli Hollands's Photos - Daily outfits

A musing

Compassion is not motivated by a programmed initiative but is revealed through the transformation of one's awareness. Its the revelation that creates an urgency and passion. Jesus is coming soon.

A wet day in paradise

Winter can be so much fun!

more about "A wet day in paradise", posted with vodpod

Liferush

As some of you may know I have developed a fascination with social media. This assuredly begun while I was living abroad trying to stay in touch with that which grounded me. My family traveled to and fro all the while I was growing up and I pursued the same desire to interact with cultures into my adult life.

At the present you will find me trying to build roots in the desert.. I mean suburbs. Not finding the vibe propitious to developing a sense of community I decided to turn my attention back to the internet through which I seek to connect the physical with the ethereal. Since becoming Kokkonuts tons of content has been created... quite useful to flesh out the various platforms I am testing out. Follow and grow your social network with me. Let's learn and be inspired by each other! www.vimeo.com/liferush

Deviced for media

Has media interacting capabilities and welcomes sure hits. "Configure me to your licking and I will flawlessly connect with all your desires. You turn me on". Would read the social profile of the right phone.

What does giving birth do to a women

I wonder often this days if having a child of my own is the path we should take or not. I am surprised by the disparity in opinions of those with whom the subject comes up. It's been more then one year since Cary and I have been married and what a treat it has been to revel in each other's essence. Adding a whole new human being to the mix definately would change our dynamic and probably that of the kids as well. From previous hints on their part I think they are expecting it with open arms especially Cara who is ready to be part of the big ones.

After spending the summer with the kids I realized how nice it would be have a child for whom I was its mother and with whom grew and inculcated life skills into. I am aware that if I give birth to a child my life is no longer my own but attached to being a mother until I die.

Why does anyone have children? Is it ever or always out of a selfish motive to leave something behind and to be someone's link to life? And if so, should being a step mom be enough or is it not enough gratifying to clean, feed and love without respite when with them.

My exercise teacher encouraged me not to have any so I could dedicated my life to a goal I am passionate about. Yet my doctor told me that not wanting a child was selfish. So far I leave it open to God. If their is a special human being that He feels needs to come through me then may I be used to groom the child into adulthood. No matter what, I wish to translate my energies into a dream I am excited about.

As for my wonderful step kids, I know they love me and respect me but I wish they would help me more. Nonetheless, they are a gift and I have decided to accept them the way they are and to go on living for them knowing that some of me will rub off on them eventually.

I hope that I can learn everything I need to learn about raising children quickly and will be given the space to adapt to this big change. Well having them only every 2 weekends makes it easy to serve them a good time but harder to include them in the process.

What is in a name? I asked Cary how he would feel if the kids called him by his first name? Ofcourse I would not like that.... it would be disrespectful he said. Now does that mean that only biological parents can have that form of respect? what of stepmom's should we go on being called by our first name? Not even like a close friend of one of the parents... ant this and uncle that? Why should DNA or time dictate respect. What do I get other then being tired from all the hard work then. So far I have used this situation as my form of sacrificial worship.

If I do end up with a child how strange will it be for him/her to call me mom when the others call me Elizabeth? The name disscource I had last winter and settled it in my heart to mean that it does not matter what they call be but how. Plus I hardly ever was called Elizabeth. And now with my name change I truly feel like a Mrs Kokkonen. It would be kind of neat if all of a sudden everyone just calls me mrs k. Right now I am living out my deepest fantasy.

What is in it for me?

Calling "it" for the other
I have found that it is not so much trying to hide from God that is the problem. The answer to my rampant sinfulness was never found until instead of trying not to sin I allowed God to change my desires and situation for me and in the mean time humbly stumble towards Jesus. And of course, we hide because of the lack of love in the church. It must be the other way around. In the company of fellow believers one should feel comfortable to be honest about their spiritual journey.

It is understanding that it is only God in us who can do Good. That is why we must call "it" for the other. It's like playing hot potato. One is never left burning alone. The odds are in our favor that when we think outside ourselves we connect to the good that is in us by partnering with Christ who is perfect love thus bringing about the 4th dimension which is the kingdom of God.

The Circle of grace
What I have come to realize about grace is that it is given to us by God so we can extent it to others. It is the conduit that makes the body of Christ flow. When God says "My grace is sufficient for you", I take it to mean that there is something I can do to be Jesus in the life of another. It helps me to think outside myself and propels me into kingdom living. Grace is not doing it with grace like a ballerina.. it's giving the person some slack. ie: not judging but interacting together as the church in the kingdom. Grace is not expecting anything... It's less of saying it like it is and more of just being humble before God. This way we won't be offended.. acting out of hurt but be more able to dispense love thus grace.

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Busom budies

I moved to the GTA when I married. So my husband's friends became my friends. In the year and a half that I have been here I went out and did an activity with only one women. She is the only one that fascinated me enough to be inconvenienced for. We were similar in that we had the same age and had never given birth. Surrounded by new and older mothers I new that their was a lot we could talk about. Now does that mean that if she lived in the area we could be bosom buddies?

"A friend loves always and in adversity shows himself to be closer then a brother" I think that when you have many things in common the relationship comes easy but it is when one thinks outside themselves and starts to love meaning relate with a person self sacrificially that effort towards bonding is made. I am reminded of Paul who God comforted through Titus. If we interact in love without judgment we are a friend to any member of the body of Christ. And that is probably the most biblical understanding of friendship.

My ultimate connection is with my husband. Other then that I don't look for a friend but to be one as I interact with believers that have different gift sets then me. I think that having a common purpose is a great umbrella for friendships too. So because we share a cottage with certain individuals... they are my friends.

As to sharing the good news to unbelieving friends.... our love for Jesus should permeate our interactions and instigate questions on their part. The spirit prepares and cultivates the hearts. We the body must actively feed the poor and help those who are in need. It is a different concept of what the world thinks a BFF is. Friends purposefully let's God's kingdom and will be done.

Am I what they think I am?

Ok here it goes...

If Anorexia is a disease then it is only decent that those who choose to believe a myth propagated through global thought only judge themselves. If we release each other in turn we are not pressured into and identity. Only by accepting ones self and appreciated ones present surrounding that change can be made. Each of us is the power for change of perspective. A beautiful body comes as a result of developing flexibility and core strength. The muscles have a way of wrapping around the bone in a way that gives definition and elongates legs. Our body, mind and soul breath, oscillates and interacts constantly with what surrounds and encompasses us. That is why awareness of reality and the joys that come from the things that hurt us makes us grow. Sometimes we get stuck... and an area of living sphere needs a lot more attention. Everyone is someones subjective in that we should not be affected by the reaction of those around us but project unto others love by giving each other grace. Letting others explore their beauty will be easier when we imbue unto them inherent qualities since everyone of us is a gem and is the perfect piece our generation and space in time puzzle.

Fashion fads are art in motion. I find them interesting and exciting. They are a visual gift and the size of models on which the clothes hang perfectly should not deter us from processing our world and fulfilling its uniqueness. Enjoy looking through styles and dress up or down that body of yours. Make peace with it for it is your tool to actualize your soul in this life. Don't use standards that you don't live by. Either reject something or cling to it. Don't judge yourself by the standards you are not abiding by. Why should we mind if a women parades herself to gain control. It's only a character trait and maybe it is a form of art who cares. Don't let you life become a quagmire. I am what I am and by the grace of God I am free not to associate myself to a stereotype.

On that thought, I am going to take a sowing class and learn how I can create perfect fitting clothes that fit my size. These days I am in a fitness period of my life. I started yoga and I am enjoying how it is affecting my being. I still weigh the same thing but I have gone down a few sizes. Maybe another good thing would be to "Throw away the scale". Healthy living and beauty from the inside recalibrates our exterior but remember, if we take a closer look, periods of extravagance can be rewarding. It is important to get over our selves and enter into community. I can accept the love and support of our world, neighbors, friends and family because through Christ the perfect love, God unites with me empowering me to think within a cosmic reality. Life and you are beautiful now.

I don't think it matters if models are skinny if that is the cross they bare. Some people smoke for a while and then stop. No one is healthy all of the time. I don't understand "lay women" who allow themselves to be judged by the zero standard in the first place. If we don't acknowledge it, it won't exist. Only through exercise for the purpose of health and communal satisfaction should thinness be exalted or aspired to.. But if you are in that kick then so be it, accept it then either stay in it or move on. If we take a closer look many of our hangups come from hurt. Why let that be? We should act from a place of contentment..... in Christ I am made whole and no longer have the need to react from my hurts or store painful memories. Diamonds are made under pressure. Sails ships move with the wind.

Well that is a mouth full.... I got to go to bed. Thanks for listening. Let me know what you think?

#1 - In Conversation with Brian McLaren

My virtual home church.

Children photography

Photographers have a big responsibility since their is the signature on the image not the stylist or make up artist... Therefore I don't think stradelling the fence is a good place to be when working with children. The media should be responsible and take on the perverted agenda by discussing these issues in their shows. Their is a vibe been promoted on the family channel everyday. (Zoe 101, Hannah Montana...) I would love to see a photo shoot shot through the eyes of a child. I'd be curious to see how they see themselves.

My esteemed self

A model is as good as her last job. Then the model must start all over again the rejection process. One needs to find stability outside the industry in order to be able to handle the stress. Here is how I went about it....

A photographer asked my employer (aunt) when i was 13 if I could model. She said no without asking me. I only found out years after I had started modeling locally and internationally... I was 23. My work reflects my life. In the end it is good to have faced sorrow before entering this world. I was able to look for the adventure not the destination. Modeling became my ticket to enter a life full of culture and unheard languages. I've learned I can be more effective when I lower my expectations for the future and am ecstatic about the present. My goal is set on an eternal perspective . I aim to embrace and interact with what surrounds me by extending grace to those around me. (ie: giving a hand to those in need.) That is where my heart is. I first learned to build the right walls by exposing myself to pain. It is as if I tested all types of experience to understand how people live. I then realized the world was full of pain so I took what I new of Jesus and applied it to how I store information in my psyche. soon I started to adapt my action/reaction triggers. Each of our personalities has its roots in what we attach importance to from our often difficult lives. When one attaches a usefulness to the pain it becomes a mere frustration in our one track life. That is how I do it now. My self worth comes from knowing I am used of God. I want to be his hands and feet. Less of me more of others is a nice change. I now live in the now with an eternal perspective.

We all have a chance to build our self esteem from scratch. Many reevaluations take place throughout our lives. Our society is a conglomerate of faulty creatures. God is in the business of rebuilding broken lives. Their is so much hope ahead.

Side trips

Ode to my skateboarding days.. Building ramps and skating empty pools was so much fun. When I first went to Europe I carried with me my skateboard and my base plus a whole bunch of technological devices and books. I eventually learned to travel lighter... much lighter. But as a result I stopped both and opted for day trips in the alps. It became much easier to just rent a snowboard.

First trip to Milan

My first trip oversees was in Milan. I got lost in the subway for a while since I did not know that Uschita ment exit. It took me a week to start understanding where I was stop following other models to all castings like a zombie. After 3 months without a job my booker took me aside and told me I was to go back home. Well, you can be sure I shed a few tears but went straight to one of the best agency I new at the time. As soon as I became a part of their agency something in me changed. I felt proud but forgot to put their name next to mine on the casting sheet being so used to write the old one down. So the client called the old agency to put me on option. They proceeded to trash me saying that I was not reliable and partied all of the time. They in turned replied... well that perfectly fits the women's profile for the Casio G-shock commercial we are looking for. So that is how I booked my first international job and when I started to tell others if asked that I am a model. The funny thing is that soon after, it became evident and I no longer had to answer the question. Now I am back to answering it but that is another story.

Theories on size zero

Ok here it goes...

If Anorexia is a disease then it is only decent that those who choose to believe a myth propagated through global thought only judge themselves. If we release each other in turn we are not pressured into and identity. Only by accepting ones self and appreciated ones present surrounding that change can be made. Each of us is the power for change of perspective. A beautiful body comes as a result of developing flexibility and core strength. The muscles have a way of wrapping around the bone in a way that gives definition and elongates legs. Our body, mind and soul breath, oscillates and interacts constantly with what surrounds and encompasses us. That is why awareness of reality and the joys that come from the things that hurt us makes us grow. Sometimes we get stuck... and an area of living sphere needs a lot more attention. Everyone is someones subjective in that we should not be affected by the reaction of those around us but project unto others love by giving each other grace. Letting others explore their beauty will be easier when we imbue unto them inherent qualities since everyone of us is a gem and is the perfect piece our generation and space in time puzzle.

Fashion fads are art in motion. I find them interesting and exciting. They are a visual gift and the size of models on which the clothes hang perfectly should not deter us from processing our world and fulfilling its uniqueness. Enjoy looking through styles and dress up or down that body of yours. Make peace with it for it is your tool to actualize your soul in this life. Don't use standards that you don't live by. Either reject something or cling to it. Don't judge yourself by the standards you are not abiding by. Why should we mind if a women parades herself to gain control. It's only a character trait and maybe it is a form of art who cares. Don't let you life become a quagmire. I am what I am and by the grace of God I am free not to associate myself to a stereotype.

On that thought, I am going to take a sowing class and learn how I can create perfect fitting clothes that fit my size. These days I am in a fitness period of my life. I started yoga and I am enjoying how it is affecting my being. I still weigh the same thing but I have gone down a few sizes. Maybe another good thing would be to "Throw away the scale". Healthy living and beauty from the inside recalibrates our exterior but remember, if we take a closer look, periods of extravagance can be rewarding. It is important to get over our selves and enter into community. I can accept the love and support of our world, neighbors, friends and family because through Christ the perfect love, God unites with me empowering me to think within a cosmic reality. Life and you are beautiful now.

I don't think it matters if models are skinny if that is the cross they bare. Some people smoke for a while and then stop. No one is healthy all of the time. I don't understand "lay women" who allow themselves to be judged by the zero standard in the first place. If we don't acknowledge it, it won't exist. Only through exercise for the purpose of health and communal satisfaction should thinness be exalted or aspired to.. But if you are in that kick then so be it, accept it then either stay in it or move on. If we take a closer look many of our hangups come from hurt. Why let that be? We should act from a place of contentment..... in Christ I am made whole and no longer have the need to react from my hurts or store painful memories. Diamonds are made under pressure. Sails ships move with the wind.

Well that is a mouth full.... I got to go to bed. Thanks for listening. Let me know what you think?

One or the other

Always evolving, I welcome responsibility joyfully. Marriage has given me roots and a lifetime perspective that I did not have. Seeing my garden and kids grow has been wonderful as if I now am interconnected in the civilization of this time.... instead of hovering across borders, I now enter into the precise. I treasure the many facets my life has taken on so far. What an adventure. There is infinity in both the micro and telescopic.

Legitimacy

What is in a name? I asked my husband how he would feel if the kids called him by his first name? Of course I would not like that.... it would be disrespectful he said. Now does that mean that only biological parents can have that form of respect? what of step mom's should we go on being called by our first name? Not even like a close friend of one of the parents... ant this and uncle that? Why should DNA or time dictate respect. What do I get other then being tired from all the hard work then. So far I have used this situation as my form of sacrificial worship.
As for my wonderful step kids, I know they love me and respect me but I wish they would help me more. Nonetheless, they are a gift and I have decided to accept them the way they are and to go on living for them knowing that some of me will rub off on them eventually. I hope that I can learn everything I need to learn about raising children quickly and will be given the space to adapt to this big change. Well having them only every 2 weekends makes it easy to serve them a good time but harder to include them in the process.

What makes people want to have children? Is it ever or always out of a selfish motive to leave something behind and to be someones link to life? And if so, should being a step mom be enough or is it not enough gratifying to clean, feed and love without respite when with them.
After spending the summer with the kids I realized how nice it would be have a child for whom I was its mother and with whom grew and inculcated life skills into. I am aware that if I give birth to a child my life is no longer my own but attached to being a mother until I die. My exercise teacher encouraged me not to have any so I could dedicated my life to a goal I am passionate about. Yet my doctor told me that not wanting a child was selfish. So far I leave it open to God. If their is a special human being that He feels needs to come through me then may I be used to groom the child into adulthood. No matter what, I wish to translate my energies into a dream I am excited about.

If I do end up with a child how strange will it be for him/her to call me mom when the others call me Elizabeth? The name dialog I had last winter and settled it in my heart to mean that it does not matter what they call be but how. Plus I hardly ever was called Elizabeth. And now with my name change I truly feel like a Mrs Kokkonen. It would be kind of neat if all of a sudden everyone just calls me Mrs k. Right now I am living out my deepest fantasy.
I wonder often these days if having a child of my own is the path we should take or not. I am surprised by the disparity in opinions of those with whom the subject comes up. It's been more then one year since Cary and I have been married and what a treat it has been to revel in each other's essence. Adding a whole new human being to the mix definitely would change our dynamic and probably that of the kids as well. From previous hints on their part I think they are expecting it with open arms especially Cara who is ready to be part of the big ones.

Prepared to be self sufficient

All day yesterday I kept busy and did not even observe their growth. I didn't believe they would bloom and I wasn't prepared to nurture or dispose of the incriminating evidence. The cable guy came in to set up the home phone. I became worried then that I had initiated a counter cultural miracle. Had he taken interest in what type of plants were being cultivated in the earth laden bins between the TV and the patio door?

The validity of my concern is in jeopardy. At times the thought of what eases me irks him. I was wrong to not mention the seeds to him. I wish I hadn't kept him out of process.... yet he was there all along. He of all people takes his time to think things through. I am glad he broached the topic last night. Now we can do something about it together. I was trying to figure it out in my head not if I should tell him or not but what I should do with them. Was I prepared to be self sufficient? Not on my own that is for sure. He knows that I have been interested in the healing components of plants for a long time. I want to make creams, ointments, perfumes and essential oils. It would have been nice of him to propose we plant some this spring and we study together the validity of its proprieties. I am glad he accepted to study the benefits together.

I follow him when he make decisions about the kids; the radio even said that the killing video games were bad for 11 year olds. He give's the kids a big lea way in many things that I wouldn't. I would expect him to do the same when it comes to my pain managing systems. Especially as I am his wife and not his child. I don't see the sense of promoting its negatives when we know that that is a wrong premise. I will not change and if I do it will come from God reflecting upon me to think that abstinence would be the way to go.

Merthin would have understood Caris' nature and not taken offense to the act but in unison come to a universally accepted conclusion. My mistake was to assume that my Love was satisfied with the teamwork we had been doing up until now. I was sure that the plants would be accepted no matter what, if only out of respect . Now that I know what I know I will include him a lot more in everything I think about and do.

ps: that is a reference to the book "Pillars of the earth" we just finished reading.

It's all in the vibe

I went into Toronto last week to see some agencies but had only time for one so I saw Giovanni models, I am with them in Montreal. After meeting Sharon from Giovanni, I got to thinking about first impressions and how personable she was. I enjoyed my meeting with her. It would be great if I can find the closest agency fit for me. One with the client base for my abilities and who gets me more bookings for less castings.. oh and of course, a great relationship.

Giovanni seemed like the easiest fit but the minimal look of the agency left me wondering... about the value of design... I rationalized that it does not influence bookings. Now that I am married and stable, I am finally not in a hurry and have no desire to perform in a fake world. I can take my time to develop great working relationships with clients and just enjoy my work. Then I passed by Surtherland to see if they still had copies of my book. I did not tell them I was back in town. (Thinking a change might be for the better.) The office looks great and the people are kind but the office always felt a little ascetic to me. The vibe felt great a couple of years ago when I had just come back from my spin around the world. It was a time when I felt I had to hurry up and get jobs because I never new what was around the corner.

I just got off the phone with Brandon. He asked me what I am up to and told me they no longer have copies of my book. (I did 10 jobs in about 1 month and a half while they represented me.) He congratulated me for the wedding but did not assume I was still with them, which is just how I wanted it. This was an easy phone call to make after all. I was dreading it, afraid to be stuck in between two agencies. I am glad it has worked out so far. I left a message with Sharon and spoke with "I forget his name", He let me know that they loved my book and had been waiting a year for me to get in touch with them. I guess everything is on track now. I just have to start exercising more.

Sharon and I spoke again. She really is lovely. We spoke of how important is was for relationships to be fluid. All their models have an inner vibe that transcends hype. Often client comment on how Giovanni models are always a pleasure to work with. I truly resonate with what this agency is about. I am glad to be apart of them.

What I do

I recently moved to Mississauga after modeling all over Europe and South Africa doing over 30 commercials and a couple of short films all the while shooting catalogues and magazines.
After being in the business for more then 10 years. I am quite level headed about the type of work I am looking for. Now that I am 34 years old and married since this past Summer, it shows.... I have an active, healthy women look. I will try to get into an exercise routine and and start contacting agencies to get working again. I know I have to meet all the clients in Toronto first.. I appreciate a good agency who sends you on the appropriate castings, nothing bogus. I am presently represented by Giovanni in Montreal and will meet with them here in Toronto. A few years back I was with Sutherland and then I moved back to Quebec. So I will check them out again as well... mainly to get copies of my book back. Let's see what happens.

From duck to swan

In retrospect, the ups and downs of life have no affect on the good and the bad. Yesterday my husband and I spent a relaxing evening with friends. We talked, watched football, drank cappuccino then tea, ate pizza all in front of a nice fireplace. There was a book on the coffee table about a women's journey through life.

It made me think of my own rugged journey and how many times I have initiated the process of writing about them only to lose all our data via the theft of our 5 computers (laptops and external hard drives included) last week on my way back from the apple store. Faced with this tragic occurrence we immediately used the moment or any recurrent painful memory of this loss as a opportunity to praise God the all knowing who provides and takes away as he sees fit. Not that He is to be blamed but that in every situation we find ourselves in, there is an opportunity to surrender our agenda and personal misfortune over to Him so that God may be glorified and continue to work out his kingdom in our lives. For a while I wondered what purpose was to be found in my previous life as I wandered away from Christianity. It wasn't Christ I feared or fled but the people attached to the religion. I was reminded in church last Sunday about the story of the prodigal son. Which of the two sons was more prepared to embrace his father's grace? It is easier for the self professed sinner to enter into a graceful union and grow in Christ then a self righteous Christian who has obeyed profusely all of God's laws.

Imperfection brings pain, which is a catalyst for change. In saying this I do not condone a life of sin. But sin is inherent in each of our lives and so as a human seeking a relationship with her God I humbly express a sincere desire to let go of any preconceived notions or any element of self contentment I may have and look forward to writing my thoughts of this wondrous journey of self abandonment to the divine. I might very well never turn these theoretical ramblings into a biography of how my vessel became broken. All I know is that God uses broken vessels. Next thing you know its 10 something pm and we are walking to our car in the cold weather heading back to our crowded condo.

Great expectations

I am on my 5th glass of water

We had a wonderful time with the kids this weekend. As soon as my husband came in with them he expounded the virtues of being tidy... allowing me the freedom to encourage the kids to be more conscientious about the mess they create. It made me love him more to see how conscious of my well being he is. The first night we went to visit friends with kids in a similar age group who have a big house. So they got to run around as much as they wanted. Space can be an issue. I have tried to create an environment for them to fill comfortable in... sometimes to the detriment of my own sense of space and needs. But I find it is more important that they create memories I am a part of.

So The fridge was packed with comfort foods, good protein they would like!! and a panoply of fruits. L had to work a couple of art projects so the fruits came in handy. I started cooking right away and soon the place smelled like brownies, strawberry pie and beef Pot Roast. Which got me great raves from C.. Good thing I made a double brownie recipe. In the past when we still had all of our computers... each kid was plugged into the "matrix" which began to drive me nuts. Now at least it is easier to get them to play a game or make jewelery which the youngest loves to do. Our C is in hockey but boy does my husband find it painful to watch. I see it more like a comedy act. He plays a couple of times a week and every weekend... We have the kids every other weekend.. It's just tough to have to stay in town in our small condo because of hockey. He enjoys it though and that is what counts. It is the first time in my life that I am sorta exited about the upcoming super bowl. I never took the time to sit in front of the TV for any sport before. But my husband is so beautiful to watch watching the game that I am looking forward to FEB 3 as well. His two favorite teams are playing so either one to win is great. Of course it would be sad to see the patriots lose which makes it even more thrilling if they do so to the giants. As for the keeping track of the intake and output of my calories... I have been steadily gaining weight ever since I found the love of my life... After Christmas I had added 20+ and was on a roll to add 20+ more within the next 2 years. So I am nipping it in the bud. This way I can start modeling again. I am getting exited about the new market and age group.

Too much for me

I have started to include the kids in the cleaning up process. I try to get them to bring the plates to the counter once we finish eating. It is not easy for me to do so. I would rather just make them comfortable and do it all my self. We'll see how that works out. I might be able to turn it into something fun for them. Otherwise I must admit cleaning up after everyone is a lot of work.

Keeping up with the Jones'

After 8 months of being married I have forfeited all rights to my previous vision of suburbia. I no longer get manicures but instead have begun to invest in face creams. I have changed my hair color and cut a couple of times. As for the cleaning, I have developed a few systems that work for me. It is still quite enjoyable. However, I wish I could get help from the kids though. Picking up after them is getting old. I will try and make it fun for them. We'll see what happens.

Into it

Since my return to Canada I have put modeling on hold and started a one year school program that is when I met C online and started the lovely stage of cocooning almost right away.

Developing systems for cooking and cleaning is fun.

Over the holidays I baked tons of goodies, one huge Tourtiere and in the process added 10 pounds to the 10 already gained since the onset of our relationship.

The main reason for not assertively developing my market here in Canada is all the driving around I would have to do. When I lived in Quebec it took me 1h30 hours to get to Montreal and now we live about 30 minutes give or take from Toronto. It's a lot of driving.

It took me a while to transfer from an adventurous-girl-look into a women-look capable of posing as a career women or in mommy roles. I think I am finally at that point where I am fully women. I will always be the adventurous little girl who asks random teenage boys if I can try their skateboards for a second so I can pop a kickflip then continue walking on with a grin on my face thinking I still got it. ;)

8 years ago while my parents were living in Huntsville, I had looked around for an agency but they had said that I was too young for Toronto was an older market. Which in retrospect does make sense if Montreal is more edgy and Europe, the fashion-mecca experience models seek.


I used to be 35 24 36 now I am 38 27 39. Over the next couple of months I will continue to actively play xbox Dance Dance revolution shedding 20 pounds as a dance away. I tried to work out in the condo gym but this is the only exercise I am excited to do and look forward to doing everyday. It will be interesting to see I can actually work off the 3 inch layer of body fat accumulated in my cocooning stage. I will still make plans to put my book together and go see an agency this week. I look forward to entering spring as a butterfly... buff and light.

This said, I have done a couple of jobs while in Canada first in Toronto then in Montreal. The last job I did the client asked around for me for weeks without knowing where I was or which agency I was with.. Its good to know that if I need to be found I will be.

Curly is the way to go

Out of desperation I returned to the hairdresser for red highlights and some tips on not only simplifying my beauty regime but actually styling my hair in a way that makes me feel beautiful. I must say that it is mission accomplished. Curly is the way to go. I tried to emulate yesterday's salon look using a diffuser and in less then five minutes of blow drying it I had bouncy hair I could feel proud of. On a side note... The highlights make me look more alive. I am on fire!!!!! Now I am ready for some of my Dance dance revolution exercises.

I am equiped

Over the holidays I got the message while receiving a blow dryer and a straightener... I should do something about my hair. So every morning I get up and either straighten or blow dry it. I even got another hair cut and a color to no avail. It seems there is nothing I can do other then chopping it all up or getting extensions. I admit it my hair looks terrible. The last time I had nice hair was in Europe. I miss my hair dresser in Milan.