some change of pace

I am taking a small break from learning to share with you a small anecdote from my this week. Because of it I will call the rental place in the morning and ask them to change into a smaller car until the end of the week. Hopefully the change in price will cover the difference for the flat tire I got wanting not to wait behind one block of cars at a red lighten so turning into a Carl's Junior.... ////I eagerly anticipate the turn and blow part of the tire against the side walk, the cap is flying, I pray that the light is still red for I fear a kick on the behind of my car. I look around recalculate/ reevualate the entry and park across two handicap parking spaces. Man, I should have taken the AAA card when the other day in the grove parking lot where I left my keys in my locked car's ignision. I look around and there are two postal clerks who enter Carl's Junior. While they cannot help, a man name Frank jumped up from his crouched position and with his hand up in the air offering his help as a capable mecanic. And what a help he became. I had already opened the trunk and located the jack but I could not figure out for the life of me how to get the jack out of the grip thing that held it firmly tightly there where it was. Frank explained to me right away that at the bottom of the jack their is a screw-like flatter wheel that releases the extention. Ouff. When you want to loosen something you turn counterclockwise. There is no use in me telling you also that to tighten anything you turn clockwise because that will only serve to confuse you. Possibly yes. So we got the tools and the spare out of the trunk then he was down near the tire feeling under the car for a secure place to jack up the wheel.../// I am sick of explaining to you all the details but you will understand that I was animated when by his impulsive quest to assist resolve relationship issues, I admitted I was lost and burdened by my relationship structure while he changed the wheel. The man was a homeless and I was ministred to as if he was an angel of god taking me out of my day in order to have a moment with me so my sould could be replenish by being redirected to the word of God so I can learn, hide. I learned that a homeless needs about 7 dollars a day to live on the street. In question to that I had already offerent 10 he asked 5 and I gave him 15.

a breath of fresh air

Women are getting together for a bible study. I need that. There is no need for me to worry here. My passion can unfold calmly between the mercies of these women. A feeling that is falling out. Clearly sweet thoughts will meet with me during this time.

I am a little down, wondering if I will be on the plane next week. I have a feeling.

link me to you

A cat is whining, music is soothing someone next door and I wait on a friend. The warm days seem so contrasting to the sensation I am feeling right now. My thoughts often dwell on matter of the heart these days for I feel my life edging itself down the path I am not conscious of. No worries of the present can undo sporadically a life built around bad choices. Even a bad choice is a choice. The hardest thing to phantom now is not being able to make choices. Quick frenetic options unfold into complete opposite scenarios. Why are scenarios probable to me? A few things I am gaining clarity on is that I want to have children of my own with a man that will be the best father for them. What I will do as a career is not as important to me right now as establishing myself through what I already know and keep learning and expressing myself always more fluidly the way I have been doing and become the women that will foster and raise part of today’s next generation. My need of the moment is to validate myself through a technical stand with a permanency that is not man-linked. My agency seem to carry within them the belief that I can still bring satisfaction to my attainments though a constant maintained casting approach. Should June 1st arrive and I not be ready it would mean that I have taken on too much. My obstacles are few and big. What will I do about the cats? I could bring them with me only if I decide to fully enter within the Belgium experience. The many things I have accumulated could refrain me from exploring since I am attached to them only as a means to obtain a semblance of stability. EBay, Craig’s list and a garage sale type party at the downtown storage space are things I need to look into. What about making money to eventually be able to commit to a home buying project, a place where I could express myself diversely with others, something that is run like a co-op, a place where one can rest the body and work as well. It’s a good time for me to experience a coming to. A sort of leaving behind the surplus and turning it into a positive help force. The normal, the enchanted all restore basic notions and interest others along the way that understand, even if subconsciously, the need each of these commit to. In the meanwhile, a good portion of my time and money is directed towards organizing my thoughts and myself with a general manifestation becoming more and more what I am waiting for. I no longer what to wait for another to re-tell what I think I want or what I find to be my desires. No one can do that for me. Obviously it’s never the time to let other infringe on your heart especially one so fragile as mine. My best scenario is to update my current career through the Internet and the networking I do. Such as the little movies I do through my travels and the writing I have done so far needs to be edited, integrated with visuals and put in a book format. Everything is possible with me. I have the next 20 years to impregnate my soul within the mesh of the world and leave my mark but mostly find my true place within the divine relationship I strongly wish to deepen. The good thing through it all is that God is my strength and the people show me his grace in mine and through their lives. Relationships deepen our connection to God for they keep us in need of Him to clarify issues.

A digital drama based on the reflection of our time. A performance piece where. Ex: One lies on the floor as if dead. The show begins with a heartbeat, a twinge, and in turns a soft rhythm into a frenetic bouncing on the floor becoming a tribal dance. Through a sequence of movements creating music and a variety of visuals that mix and intertwine from 2D to 3D to 4D. It is a merging and entering experience. Where the realm of the non-temporal, the time without time, when you stop for an instant and an eternity unfolds, is opened. Experiencing life all around round is a circumference of nothing. The absence of shape surrounded by minutes and seconds. As a girl I thought I could hide by closing my eyes. Is reality only physical? If everything can be numbered then it can be mirrored. If we can portray a biorhythm equal to a color sound or smell, we can then use color and free form movement to free the spectator from banality and let him detangle the common and emerge an artist. I should with the warp and the undefined make use of the auditor’s intelligence and natural instincts to place the pieces together and repair in their minds what is not as it should be. Inciting the public to laugh out loud or cry will stimulate endorphins. Alerting the mind with taste, audio, smell and upside down sideways glances of glimpses of dreams and excitement. I want to use the warp and the undefined to trigger the spectator’s intelligence and natural instincts. The need to associate and resolve in one’s mind will compensate for the lack of reality. For instance, a fresh leaf to crunch up and smell and a small doll to rip up its head. Then the frustration gets to an insane level. I want the public to work as much as the troop in order to unconsciously turn the key and open the door to their fantasies. When individuals see an object live or virtual from a different perspective, that object is sure to be understood as 3D. Walking around or rotating it from all sides and in all possible directions reassures by creating within us a secure and founded eye. Photos taken for all viewing angles should help express 3D felt notion. Perspective is everything; the association next in line and the control must be left to the destiny. . Close to the center of an attraction, along the curve of what is incomplete, always moving towards an ideal does true thought emerge.

If

If I could do anything at all right now I would be an archaeologist living in another country digging every day, searching with great care for a civilization past. I would look for the refuse and what was created using the strongest materials of the time. Now a day’s plastic is the easiest and cheapest way to change it’s original shape through an addition of intent upon the plastic to see it become another thing. Melted by the heat of fire yet cooled off by the winds of desire to not interfere with me.

It’s a beauty, behold you are mine. If you trespass I will encounter.

If I could be anyone I wanted to be I would like to acquire a contour so I could invest within it. I have experience and talents. Everything is going well. I am learning everyday. And I am letting God in control. I have many conflicting thoughts and feelings. My desires are to be in nature, Have the feel of being in the city and the limelight if the occasion arises. I want to buy my own home where I can put all of my things in it. Where I can prepare meals for my friends and family. I want to use the Internet as a platform releasing me geographically and physically.