link me to you

A cat is whining, music is soothing someone next door and I wait on a friend. The warm days seem so contrasting to the sensation I am feeling right now. My thoughts often dwell on matter of the heart these days for I feel my life edging itself down the path I am not conscious of. No worries of the present can undo sporadically a life built around bad choices. Even a bad choice is a choice. The hardest thing to phantom now is not being able to make choices. Quick frenetic options unfold into complete opposite scenarios. Why are scenarios probable to me? A few things I am gaining clarity on is that I want to have children of my own with a man that will be the best father for them. What I will do as a career is not as important to me right now as establishing myself through what I already know and keep learning and expressing myself always more fluidly the way I have been doing and become the women that will foster and raise part of today’s next generation. My need of the moment is to validate myself through a technical stand with a permanency that is not man-linked. My agency seem to carry within them the belief that I can still bring satisfaction to my attainments though a constant maintained casting approach. Should June 1st arrive and I not be ready it would mean that I have taken on too much. My obstacles are few and big. What will I do about the cats? I could bring them with me only if I decide to fully enter within the Belgium experience. The many things I have accumulated could refrain me from exploring since I am attached to them only as a means to obtain a semblance of stability. EBay, Craig’s list and a garage sale type party at the downtown storage space are things I need to look into. What about making money to eventually be able to commit to a home buying project, a place where I could express myself diversely with others, something that is run like a co-op, a place where one can rest the body and work as well. It’s a good time for me to experience a coming to. A sort of leaving behind the surplus and turning it into a positive help force. The normal, the enchanted all restore basic notions and interest others along the way that understand, even if subconsciously, the need each of these commit to. In the meanwhile, a good portion of my time and money is directed towards organizing my thoughts and myself with a general manifestation becoming more and more what I am waiting for. I no longer what to wait for another to re-tell what I think I want or what I find to be my desires. No one can do that for me. Obviously it’s never the time to let other infringe on your heart especially one so fragile as mine. My best scenario is to update my current career through the Internet and the networking I do. Such as the little movies I do through my travels and the writing I have done so far needs to be edited, integrated with visuals and put in a book format. Everything is possible with me. I have the next 20 years to impregnate my soul within the mesh of the world and leave my mark but mostly find my true place within the divine relationship I strongly wish to deepen. The good thing through it all is that God is my strength and the people show me his grace in mine and through their lives. Relationships deepen our connection to God for they keep us in need of Him to clarify issues.