Liferush

As some of you may know I have developed a fascination with social media. This assuredly begun while I was living abroad trying to stay in touch with that which grounded me. My family traveled to and fro all the while I was growing up and I pursued the same desire to interact with cultures into my adult life.

At the present you will find me trying to build roots in the desert.. I mean suburbs. Not finding the vibe propitious to developing a sense of community I decided to turn my attention back to the internet through which I seek to connect the physical with the ethereal. Since becoming Kokkonuts tons of content has been created... quite useful to flesh out the various platforms I am testing out. Follow and grow your social network with me. Let's learn and be inspired by each other! www.vimeo.com/liferush

Busom budies

I moved to the GTA when I married. So my husband's friends became my friends. In the year and a half that I have been here I went out and did an activity with only one women. She is the only one that fascinated me enough to be inconvenienced for. We were similar in that we had the same age and had never given birth. Surrounded by new and older mothers I new that their was a lot we could talk about. Now does that mean that if she lived in the area we could be bosom buddies?

"A friend loves always and in adversity shows himself to be closer then a brother" I think that when you have many things in common the relationship comes easy but it is when one thinks outside themselves and starts to love meaning relate with a person self sacrificially that effort towards bonding is made. I am reminded of Paul who God comforted through Titus. If we interact in love without judgment we are a friend to any member of the body of Christ. And that is probably the most biblical understanding of friendship.

My ultimate connection is with my husband. Other then that I don't look for a friend but to be one as I interact with believers that have different gift sets then me. I think that having a common purpose is a great umbrella for friendships too. So because we share a cottage with certain individuals... they are my friends.

As to sharing the good news to unbelieving friends.... our love for Jesus should permeate our interactions and instigate questions on their part. The spirit prepares and cultivates the hearts. We the body must actively feed the poor and help those who are in need. It is a different concept of what the world thinks a BFF is. Friends purposefully let's God's kingdom and will be done.

One or the other

Always evolving, I welcome responsibility joyfully. Marriage has given me roots and a lifetime perspective that I did not have. Seeing my garden and kids grow has been wonderful as if I now am interconnected in the civilization of this time.... instead of hovering across borders, I now enter into the precise. I treasure the many facets my life has taken on so far. What an adventure. There is infinity in both the micro and telescopic.

Legitimacy

What is in a name? I asked my husband how he would feel if the kids called him by his first name? Of course I would not like that.... it would be disrespectful he said. Now does that mean that only biological parents can have that form of respect? what of step mom's should we go on being called by our first name? Not even like a close friend of one of the parents... ant this and uncle that? Why should DNA or time dictate respect. What do I get other then being tired from all the hard work then. So far I have used this situation as my form of sacrificial worship.
As for my wonderful step kids, I know they love me and respect me but I wish they would help me more. Nonetheless, they are a gift and I have decided to accept them the way they are and to go on living for them knowing that some of me will rub off on them eventually. I hope that I can learn everything I need to learn about raising children quickly and will be given the space to adapt to this big change. Well having them only every 2 weekends makes it easy to serve them a good time but harder to include them in the process.

What makes people want to have children? Is it ever or always out of a selfish motive to leave something behind and to be someones link to life? And if so, should being a step mom be enough or is it not enough gratifying to clean, feed and love without respite when with them.
After spending the summer with the kids I realized how nice it would be have a child for whom I was its mother and with whom grew and inculcated life skills into. I am aware that if I give birth to a child my life is no longer my own but attached to being a mother until I die. My exercise teacher encouraged me not to have any so I could dedicated my life to a goal I am passionate about. Yet my doctor told me that not wanting a child was selfish. So far I leave it open to God. If their is a special human being that He feels needs to come through me then may I be used to groom the child into adulthood. No matter what, I wish to translate my energies into a dream I am excited about.

If I do end up with a child how strange will it be for him/her to call me mom when the others call me Elizabeth? The name dialog I had last winter and settled it in my heart to mean that it does not matter what they call be but how. Plus I hardly ever was called Elizabeth. And now with my name change I truly feel like a Mrs Kokkonen. It would be kind of neat if all of a sudden everyone just calls me Mrs k. Right now I am living out my deepest fantasy.
I wonder often these days if having a child of my own is the path we should take or not. I am surprised by the disparity in opinions of those with whom the subject comes up. It's been more then one year since Cary and I have been married and what a treat it has been to revel in each other's essence. Adding a whole new human being to the mix definitely would change our dynamic and probably that of the kids as well. From previous hints on their part I think they are expecting it with open arms especially Cara who is ready to be part of the big ones.

From duck to swan

In retrospect, the ups and downs of life have no affect on the good and the bad. Yesterday my husband and I spent a relaxing evening with friends. We talked, watched football, drank cappuccino then tea, ate pizza all in front of a nice fireplace. There was a book on the coffee table about a women's journey through life.

It made me think of my own rugged journey and how many times I have initiated the process of writing about them only to lose all our data via the theft of our 5 computers (laptops and external hard drives included) last week on my way back from the apple store. Faced with this tragic occurrence we immediately used the moment or any recurrent painful memory of this loss as a opportunity to praise God the all knowing who provides and takes away as he sees fit. Not that He is to be blamed but that in every situation we find ourselves in, there is an opportunity to surrender our agenda and personal misfortune over to Him so that God may be glorified and continue to work out his kingdom in our lives. For a while I wondered what purpose was to be found in my previous life as I wandered away from Christianity. It wasn't Christ I feared or fled but the people attached to the religion. I was reminded in church last Sunday about the story of the prodigal son. Which of the two sons was more prepared to embrace his father's grace? It is easier for the self professed sinner to enter into a graceful union and grow in Christ then a self righteous Christian who has obeyed profusely all of God's laws.

Imperfection brings pain, which is a catalyst for change. In saying this I do not condone a life of sin. But sin is inherent in each of our lives and so as a human seeking a relationship with her God I humbly express a sincere desire to let go of any preconceived notions or any element of self contentment I may have and look forward to writing my thoughts of this wondrous journey of self abandonment to the divine. I might very well never turn these theoretical ramblings into a biography of how my vessel became broken. All I know is that God uses broken vessels. Next thing you know its 10 something pm and we are walking to our car in the cold weather heading back to our crowded condo.

Great expectations

I am on my 5th glass of water

We had a wonderful time with the kids this weekend. As soon as my husband came in with them he expounded the virtues of being tidy... allowing me the freedom to encourage the kids to be more conscientious about the mess they create. It made me love him more to see how conscious of my well being he is. The first night we went to visit friends with kids in a similar age group who have a big house. So they got to run around as much as they wanted. Space can be an issue. I have tried to create an environment for them to fill comfortable in... sometimes to the detriment of my own sense of space and needs. But I find it is more important that they create memories I am a part of.

So The fridge was packed with comfort foods, good protein they would like!! and a panoply of fruits. L had to work a couple of art projects so the fruits came in handy. I started cooking right away and soon the place smelled like brownies, strawberry pie and beef Pot Roast. Which got me great raves from C.. Good thing I made a double brownie recipe. In the past when we still had all of our computers... each kid was plugged into the "matrix" which began to drive me nuts. Now at least it is easier to get them to play a game or make jewelery which the youngest loves to do. Our C is in hockey but boy does my husband find it painful to watch. I see it more like a comedy act. He plays a couple of times a week and every weekend... We have the kids every other weekend.. It's just tough to have to stay in town in our small condo because of hockey. He enjoys it though and that is what counts. It is the first time in my life that I am sorta exited about the upcoming super bowl. I never took the time to sit in front of the TV for any sport before. But my husband is so beautiful to watch watching the game that I am looking forward to FEB 3 as well. His two favorite teams are playing so either one to win is great. Of course it would be sad to see the patriots lose which makes it even more thrilling if they do so to the giants. As for the keeping track of the intake and output of my calories... I have been steadily gaining weight ever since I found the love of my life... After Christmas I had added 20+ and was on a roll to add 20+ more within the next 2 years. So I am nipping it in the bud. This way I can start modeling again. I am getting exited about the new market and age group.

Too much for me

I have started to include the kids in the cleaning up process. I try to get them to bring the plates to the counter once we finish eating. It is not easy for me to do so. I would rather just make them comfortable and do it all my self. We'll see how that works out. I might be able to turn it into something fun for them. Otherwise I must admit cleaning up after everyone is a lot of work.

Keeping up with the Jones'

After 8 months of being married I have forfeited all rights to my previous vision of suburbia. I no longer get manicures but instead have begun to invest in face creams. I have changed my hair color and cut a couple of times. As for the cleaning, I have developed a few systems that work for me. It is still quite enjoyable. However, I wish I could get help from the kids though. Picking up after them is getting old. I will try and make it fun for them. We'll see what happens.

Curly is the way to go

Out of desperation I returned to the hairdresser for red highlights and some tips on not only simplifying my beauty regime but actually styling my hair in a way that makes me feel beautiful. I must say that it is mission accomplished. Curly is the way to go. I tried to emulate yesterday's salon look using a diffuser and in less then five minutes of blow drying it I had bouncy hair I could feel proud of. On a side note... The highlights make me look more alive. I am on fire!!!!! Now I am ready for some of my Dance dance revolution exercises.

I am equiped

Over the holidays I got the message while receiving a blow dryer and a straightener... I should do something about my hair. So every morning I get up and either straighten or blow dry it. I even got another hair cut and a color to no avail. It seems there is nothing I can do other then chopping it all up or getting extensions. I admit it my hair looks terrible. The last time I had nice hair was in Europe. I miss my hair dresser in Milan.

It's in the frizz

At the moment I do not feel the need to be glamorous... just plain old me. This summer I went blond and curly. The perfect combination for dry hair so I cut a lot of it off one day at the mall and now I am stuck with a flat bob hair cut. I knew when she was blow drying it that keeping it looking nice would be a problem. However, here in the suburbs there is no excuse for flat hair. Therefore I have to either get a straightener or a proper blow dryer to give it some pizzaz for the holidays. I wanted to get those clip on extensions so I can play between two hair styles but since there is only 3 days till Christmas and I have no appointments. I will just have go to the pharmacy. I just want my life to stay simple that is why I love it at the cottage.. If I can get into a routine maybe I can still have a simple life and bouncy hair. Now I spend no time at all on my hair.

No more letters?

Embracing life in a virtual community takes some getting use to. I have not seen so much snow in a long time. Actually I did not know Toronto got this much snow. There is one good thing about condo living and that is the view. Yes I must say that no matter what you look at when something spans the horizon and is covered in snow, it borders on the fantastic. We came in with all our cottage gear last night and now I must clean up our abode, transfer clothes and try to put together a couple of things to mail out. That is something I am terrible at.

I don't know how I used to write letters and mail them to my friends growing up in the 80's. Now I can't even write individual emails to the friends I think about through out my day, probably like you do. Since the unslought of facebook in my life and the desire to catch up with so many old friends I have fought with the desire to poke, grow a egg, become a pirate, a vampire.... or simply right a note. I have tried a few of these and will continue to do so with the addition that now have decided to simply write more notes and spam them all to you. ;) So if there is a note you want me to read just tag me to it.

Did I mention that My husband just started snowboarding and he can keep up with me. We went this month and to my surprise while going down the hill I turned around to see where he was at and he was right on my heals and that was only is second time.. Our oldest is learning too. I am so happy I am able to snowboard with my family. It gives me an incredible satisfaction. It is never too late!

Living in bliss

Life is suburbia is awesome. Hoohouhooohou!!!! It is as if I was extracted from my random currents and placed within a specific loving family. My husband and I have the kids twice a week and every other weekend. We go fishing up north at the cottage with them or on our own. I started a web development company that manages Internet projects my husband has through his company. I love working at loving him. He is gracious and patient with me as learn about corporate life and how to communicate my vision. Family life has brought a welcomed sense of belonging in my life. I cherish the times we spend with our 3 kids and miss them when they are away. I started reading about my role as a step mom. Sometimes what is obvious to me is not to them and vice versa. I have already grown to be an attentive and devoted caring agent in their lives. This recurrent simplicity is endearing. My future is now.

What is it about

Yesterday I did 1hr of cardio and got lots done around the house but failed to pursue leads in my work. I'll remedy that today....

Regulated effort will perpetuate this new life quality I mean to incorporate in my movements. Up at 7am I rose, ready to nudge the kids out of bed and feed them breakfast. In no time were we out the door waiting for the elevator and on the highway to their house...

Now I am ready to face another day with vigor and efficiency...

What is pure

I often check out the new applications. One in particular made me wonder what does it feel like to be pure? Should I be striving for the clarity it brings? Was I pure before my first anything or will I only be after my last anything is done? Does my lack of experience, or a recent washing away of mistakes deliver me from my instinct or habits? Time entails me to explore my delicious apathy (humanity). I occupy my present when I let go of my pretenses desires, dreams, value, courage and limits and initiate a procedure of thanks for the actual flow that is my life in God's hand. That is what connects me with God. The truth in love. First towards myself for without it no attempt to change will be possible. Then anything that creates a loss of footing propels me into the arms of God joyfully. The purpose then is peace in the heart whether conflict assails me or not. Otherwise I will never be able to see the truth of other's for what it is... a perspective of reality different then mine.... right Now. Reality.... truth about the mythical and legendary Son of God. Therefore, I suspect that purity is not being whole but loving my handicaps and giving others the benefit of the doubt. This allows me not to get hung up on anything. Otherwise I will never be able to rethink my position about anything. God is outside the box. A conventional high priority level on the pure meter might be lower then a low score or the board. Arrogance could pull me out of sync and outside freedom. Simplicity with a humble outlook accounts for a melodious realignment. Remember, ignorance (carefree) is bliss but one bird in the hands is not better than two in the bush. The fire refines. Time will tell.

Priscilla:

I know what you mean. will this be part of your book?I must confess, i cannot fornicate (like when i was 20.) I realized this week what it means to be allergic to latex. On medical terms, i can't be in close contact to latex... it means that i have no choice but be faithful to my hubby.
and if my husband was to pass away... I'd be faithful to God. I can't live with the consequences of using a "latex" condom.I certainly couldn't afford the alternative sheep condom... Isn't it funny how life goes. it's God's plan that stand.

There is always a way to do the right or wrong thing. It all depends on what we want. God provides the rest. I have also noticed that he changes and rearranges our desires and the situations around us to fit with his will... helping us attain the ability to excel in His ways.

My vision of suburbia

I love my new found "housewife" life. Loving him love God is energizing. We resonate on all levels. It is a joy to love him. My man is incredible and so are the kids. I caught my first fish of the season last weekend. Wooohooo!!! I threw it back in though. My step daughter's was bigger so we ate hers. I am blooming and will soon transition fully as a woman. I am thankful to God for his grace. I enjoy listening to the Edge while doing my housework. I now created a peaceful ironing laundry room and a reading/ electronics corner. Yesterday while folding an enormous pile of laundry I watched the last episodes of Alias season 2.. I am hooked. Now I live vicariously through Sydney. I am getting used to the highways and malls way of life. Organizing and cleaning, I am building my nest. I now understand what a bird feels like. I have never loved cleaning more then I do since I am married. I wonder if one gets over the joy of homemaking or once you got it it's yours. I love that everyone here is into fire works. Its quite insane I never saw so many houses have their own little show going on. From the 17th floor we could see the whole city going off in sparks. Made me think of Beirut and how sparks were flying there too.... but worlds apart. As for today it will be a beauty day for me. (Silk nails. Brazilian and Blonder highlights) morphing into my vision of suburbanism. {xox} Taking the acrylic off was intense. They did such a hack job. I've been letting them breathe for a good two weeks now. You know when the sides keep peeling and bleeding a little. Normally I go to whole in the wall shops thinking I might get a European experience there. Well this time I went to the best shop in town and made an appointment. Anyways, I was told to put tons of Polysporin on them.. It's working.

Prelude to a kiss

We are building the foundations of our marriage within a community of loved ones. Let it be the talk of town. I am entering the K family. LUCKY ME, they also have a propensity for family. When I found out of my imminent insertion into the flow of society I was afraid to admit it but I feared no one from my extended family would come to the inauguration of my new state and wondered how different things would be were it my wake. I thought to have it in Toronto this way I can still think that had I held such a lavish affair within 100k radius of their homes many would have come. But I still had to invite them and go through the shame of everyone being incapacitated. That is why we chose to meet in Ottawa instead. As it turns out none of them will attend the proceedings.

The wedding will take place over the weekend at the Chateau Cartier. We will tie the knot late in the afternoon allowing for golf and spa activities during the day. (Pool)
It will be a fairytale moment. I will be walking through a field of flowers. For each guest will raise enormous daisies as I flow down the aisle. I'll feel like Alice in Wonderland. A multitude of large 3 and half-foot wide daisies will grace the side of our Wedding Pavilion. It's going to be a magical moment when Our youngest dances down blowing large bubbles into the air. It will be dream to remember!


So lets celebrate what God has ordained. The joining of two absolutely extreme individuals who share in His Graces. Love and Faithfulness will anchor this matrimonial day. Witnessed by the most cherished…Living in the moment! You are all well aware of our spontaneity and love for adventure. We agreed early on we would not have a long drawn out engagement but use the adrenaline rush of a last minute wedding to launch us into the next exciting chapter of our lives. We are so excited to have you join us on our special day. So let's make it happen have some fun and get on with life!
So we can aimlessly travel through Italy breaking a few headboards along our married way!

The Planet times:
Relentlessly pursued by the paparazzi, Caryzabeth's whirlwind romance has never been below the radar. Even though news of their engagement did not remain a secret very long, the dynamic duo has left us no time to bask in their glorious accent to matrimony. They have surprised the world (but surely not their close friends and family) and have given Planet Times the exclusive. In order to facilitate the preparations of Elizabeth and Cary's intimate celebration, you will find all the information needed to elevate their love to new ground and enjoy yourself with new and old friends during the weekend event.

Mother of the bride:
Have a good sense of humor; don't let the sun go down on your anger, no nagging, and no manipulation. Don't expect the other to fill all your needs. I like what your friend John said a good wrestle is always beneficial. I think dad and I must have our black belt by now. Just don't make it last and don't keep grudges and start being bitter. One thing I did is to be Brian's best fan, E be the best fan C will ever have. Support him in his decision and in his privileged role of being the head of the household. Respect each other and put God first because He is the real head of the household. Read the small epistles and look at all the biblical principles that you can use in a husband-wife relationship. There are many. Always remember that we are under grace. Ephesians 4.

John and Kelly:
Is that Martial or marital...I always get them confused... Anyway... a good wrestle now and then is always beneficial. You guys really are a duo, and John and I are so happy for you both... Let's Party!

Annie:
Figure out what your husband's or your wife's love languages are. Show him/her you love him/her that way. Love unconditionally. Le journal est vraiment bien. Vous preparez votre marriage a la vitesse d'un éclair. J'ai hate!

Priscilla:
Re: seeing each other every weekend. It's amazing that you haven't missed 1 weekend. You truly enjoy each other's company. You will cherish even more married life. Praise God you both found each other.

Sarah:

t'é pas mal romantique toi :)

Nadine:

Hey you Two,
Randy and I so badly wish we could be there to share such an incredible day with you......so so sorry we can't make it. Be assured that we will share it with you in our hearts! God has already blessed you guys with such an amazing relationship, but what exciting days are ahead! We are so excited for you guys.....and I hope you break a record amount of headboards!!
Love you!
Nadine

Christiane:

I am so eager for that amazing day where my amazing daughter will be married to such a nice, strong, kind,...gentleman. We will already have new grandchildren to welcome in our already big family. We love you all.