run ons possible stay ins

Most of my relationships are like run on sentences. For my friends around the world I come in and stick around for a while then pop in their lives again at a later date. Not so reliable but then If one is constant in that regards isn't that reliability at its finest? By losing many important things I have realized that it is all replaceable.. quickly the mind will select and place upon it a value as important if not more then the previously lost article. However, people are not.

A chance for a better Canada

I want to collaborate with my Canada by helping implement a structure of apprenticeship of craft and stewardship of inventions.

The bubble is about the burst and by continuing our allegiance to the old protocols we blindly await the inevitable and do not prepare for change. Our goal as individuals should not be to buy Canadian in order to keep our jobs but to buy from China affordable products and change our perception of what our jobs should be. This is the only way we will be able to keep money is our pockets.


Canadians have often looked to the government for the solution to a problem. Well, Ill give you the solution and it is twofold. First, we must introduce the production of innovative concepts that are both cutting edge and practical and second, start favoring humbling high paying service jobs that we previously shunned.

I can help make these jobs cool by elevating this well needed awareness through a television program showing how Canadian inventors who find themselves making a career change because their manufacturing jobs was exported can go from a concept to a marketable product. Or young people through whose lives these service jobs will be explained, as they become apprentices. (Their ups and downs) A camera crew will follow them as they grow in knowledge through the practice of the particular craft (cook, plumber, electrician, painter)

It is easy to blame the corruption of disillusioned seniors and teens resorting to a dangerous life of illegal criminal activities on the drug trade but lets face the facts, there are no other viably sustainable options available for them. Banning guns is not the solution. Illegality is no deterrent, a choice for an affordable life is.

Canadians have depended on unions to keep salaries up. Thus raising the cost of living and as we have seen, alleviate the ease by which manufactures and corporations have been moving to Asia where labor is cheap. Ultimately making things affordable once again.

Lets not wait until our country is bankrupt because we depend on an education/workers/salary compensation structure that is outmoded and is creating a loss of manufacturing jobs. Instead of fighting this trend, lets ride the wave and trust in ourselves as Canadian because what does not kill us makes us stronger. Lets use this propitious time and give our country a hug.

We must create within young and older innovative Canadians awareness for the development of ideas and a willingness to incorporate service industry alternatives as possible work opportunities by returning to an apprentice-based education system within the workplace and by helping viable ideas come to fruition for the furtherance of a growing Canada in an evolving marketplace.

some change of pace

I am taking a small break from learning to share with you a small anecdote from my this week. Because of it I will call the rental place in the morning and ask them to change into a smaller car until the end of the week. Hopefully the change in price will cover the difference for the flat tire I got wanting not to wait behind one block of cars at a red lighten so turning into a Carl's Junior.... ////I eagerly anticipate the turn and blow part of the tire against the side walk, the cap is flying, I pray that the light is still red for I fear a kick on the behind of my car. I look around recalculate/ reevualate the entry and park across two handicap parking spaces. Man, I should have taken the AAA card when the other day in the grove parking lot where I left my keys in my locked car's ignision. I look around and there are two postal clerks who enter Carl's Junior. While they cannot help, a man name Frank jumped up from his crouched position and with his hand up in the air offering his help as a capable mecanic. And what a help he became. I had already opened the trunk and located the jack but I could not figure out for the life of me how to get the jack out of the grip thing that held it firmly tightly there where it was. Frank explained to me right away that at the bottom of the jack their is a screw-like flatter wheel that releases the extention. Ouff. When you want to loosen something you turn counterclockwise. There is no use in me telling you also that to tighten anything you turn clockwise because that will only serve to confuse you. Possibly yes. So we got the tools and the spare out of the trunk then he was down near the tire feeling under the car for a secure place to jack up the wheel.../// I am sick of explaining to you all the details but you will understand that I was animated when by his impulsive quest to assist resolve relationship issues, I admitted I was lost and burdened by my relationship structure while he changed the wheel. The man was a homeless and I was ministred to as if he was an angel of god taking me out of my day in order to have a moment with me so my sould could be replenish by being redirected to the word of God so I can learn, hide. I learned that a homeless needs about 7 dollars a day to live on the street. In question to that I had already offerent 10 he asked 5 and I gave him 15.

a breath of fresh air

Women are getting together for a bible study. I need that. There is no need for me to worry here. My passion can unfold calmly between the mercies of these women. A feeling that is falling out. Clearly sweet thoughts will meet with me during this time.

I am a little down, wondering if I will be on the plane next week. I have a feeling.

link me to you

A cat is whining, music is soothing someone next door and I wait on a friend. The warm days seem so contrasting to the sensation I am feeling right now. My thoughts often dwell on matter of the heart these days for I feel my life edging itself down the path I am not conscious of. No worries of the present can undo sporadically a life built around bad choices. Even a bad choice is a choice. The hardest thing to phantom now is not being able to make choices. Quick frenetic options unfold into complete opposite scenarios. Why are scenarios probable to me? A few things I am gaining clarity on is that I want to have children of my own with a man that will be the best father for them. What I will do as a career is not as important to me right now as establishing myself through what I already know and keep learning and expressing myself always more fluidly the way I have been doing and become the women that will foster and raise part of today’s next generation. My need of the moment is to validate myself through a technical stand with a permanency that is not man-linked. My agency seem to carry within them the belief that I can still bring satisfaction to my attainments though a constant maintained casting approach. Should June 1st arrive and I not be ready it would mean that I have taken on too much. My obstacles are few and big. What will I do about the cats? I could bring them with me only if I decide to fully enter within the Belgium experience. The many things I have accumulated could refrain me from exploring since I am attached to them only as a means to obtain a semblance of stability. EBay, Craig’s list and a garage sale type party at the downtown storage space are things I need to look into. What about making money to eventually be able to commit to a home buying project, a place where I could express myself diversely with others, something that is run like a co-op, a place where one can rest the body and work as well. It’s a good time for me to experience a coming to. A sort of leaving behind the surplus and turning it into a positive help force. The normal, the enchanted all restore basic notions and interest others along the way that understand, even if subconsciously, the need each of these commit to. In the meanwhile, a good portion of my time and money is directed towards organizing my thoughts and myself with a general manifestation becoming more and more what I am waiting for. I no longer what to wait for another to re-tell what I think I want or what I find to be my desires. No one can do that for me. Obviously it’s never the time to let other infringe on your heart especially one so fragile as mine. My best scenario is to update my current career through the Internet and the networking I do. Such as the little movies I do through my travels and the writing I have done so far needs to be edited, integrated with visuals and put in a book format. Everything is possible with me. I have the next 20 years to impregnate my soul within the mesh of the world and leave my mark but mostly find my true place within the divine relationship I strongly wish to deepen. The good thing through it all is that God is my strength and the people show me his grace in mine and through their lives. Relationships deepen our connection to God for they keep us in need of Him to clarify issues.

A digital drama based on the reflection of our time. A performance piece where. Ex: One lies on the floor as if dead. The show begins with a heartbeat, a twinge, and in turns a soft rhythm into a frenetic bouncing on the floor becoming a tribal dance. Through a sequence of movements creating music and a variety of visuals that mix and intertwine from 2D to 3D to 4D. It is a merging and entering experience. Where the realm of the non-temporal, the time without time, when you stop for an instant and an eternity unfolds, is opened. Experiencing life all around round is a circumference of nothing. The absence of shape surrounded by minutes and seconds. As a girl I thought I could hide by closing my eyes. Is reality only physical? If everything can be numbered then it can be mirrored. If we can portray a biorhythm equal to a color sound or smell, we can then use color and free form movement to free the spectator from banality and let him detangle the common and emerge an artist. I should with the warp and the undefined make use of the auditor’s intelligence and natural instincts to place the pieces together and repair in their minds what is not as it should be. Inciting the public to laugh out loud or cry will stimulate endorphins. Alerting the mind with taste, audio, smell and upside down sideways glances of glimpses of dreams and excitement. I want to use the warp and the undefined to trigger the spectator’s intelligence and natural instincts. The need to associate and resolve in one’s mind will compensate for the lack of reality. For instance, a fresh leaf to crunch up and smell and a small doll to rip up its head. Then the frustration gets to an insane level. I want the public to work as much as the troop in order to unconsciously turn the key and open the door to their fantasies. When individuals see an object live or virtual from a different perspective, that object is sure to be understood as 3D. Walking around or rotating it from all sides and in all possible directions reassures by creating within us a secure and founded eye. Photos taken for all viewing angles should help express 3D felt notion. Perspective is everything; the association next in line and the control must be left to the destiny. . Close to the center of an attraction, along the curve of what is incomplete, always moving towards an ideal does true thought emerge.

If

If I could do anything at all right now I would be an archaeologist living in another country digging every day, searching with great care for a civilization past. I would look for the refuse and what was created using the strongest materials of the time. Now a day’s plastic is the easiest and cheapest way to change it’s original shape through an addition of intent upon the plastic to see it become another thing. Melted by the heat of fire yet cooled off by the winds of desire to not interfere with me.

It’s a beauty, behold you are mine. If you trespass I will encounter.

If I could be anyone I wanted to be I would like to acquire a contour so I could invest within it. I have experience and talents. Everything is going well. I am learning everyday. And I am letting God in control. I have many conflicting thoughts and feelings. My desires are to be in nature, Have the feel of being in the city and the limelight if the occasion arises. I want to buy my own home where I can put all of my things in it. Where I can prepare meals for my friends and family. I want to use the Internet as a platform releasing me geographically and physically.

full back view

I was a model veterant all day. My bones were week and I felt I lacked the stamina. But at the end of the day.... They still told me I was a good model. I pulled all the tricks out of my hat for this one. Lingerie and miniature design chairs. I even stood on my head and sang a few frets from Oh Canada to feel some conection with other then the tight J-strings and the chair pinned in my hair. I am exausted but I still will go to a friends birthday party. Ity's just around the corner. It's not every day I get to wear my wigs and hats. I am bringing extra for those who don't cary 9 hats (books and enough computer wires to tie knots into an escape rope out the window) with them when they travel. I follow the code: always ready............... Shine and whine :)

Macaholic

I have stayed inside all day even though it was one of the warmest days so far. I remained connected to my mac all day. I am having a great time technologicaly. I hope its a disease. I do plan on checking out the museum in the afternoon tomorrow. I do not have anymore battery anyways. I broke off one of the pins for my charger.

enthralled

It seems as if spring is about to show it's warm face finally here in Belgium. We had it quite cold here the last few weeks. There are three birds in the house I have a room in. It's nice to hear them twirp away in unison. I have been taken the trains to other city practicly every day either for jobs or just castings. I am happy to be still able to travel this much for my work. I enjoy immersing myself in varieties of cultures. It is possible I will have a chance to go to thailand in may for a job. I am crossing my fingers. It's the type of job that would be easy and enjoyable but the client does not pay so much and the agency has daubts about accepting the job. Oh well, It's in God's hands now. I am going snowboarding in the french alps for a couple of days. I leave tomorrow morning. It will be a long 9 hours road trip. I am brigning my cameras and computer so I can continue playing with video and editing.

close to me

It's early thursday morning. It is now 2 weeks I am in Belgium. I have traveled to many of the cities for castings and for jobs using the train system and city transportation. I have my own room in my bookers house. Her son goes to boarding school during the week but I still use his room even in the weekend. I may still cross to other European countries in order to broaden my client base even more. The tragedy is that it is so cold. But nonetheless my feet keep moving and my heart becomes warm and I radiate sunshine in return to every one around me. People are really friendly and kind here. Sometimes when I am lonely I sign or pray while I walk. I even count my footsteps. and started playing mind games in the street. I have to finish this sentence before the bird flies off of....... HE flew away. It means I must run because I am running late.

Have a good morning.

more cities

I am back in Canada after having been gone for one month In L.A, Tobago, New York, Toronto Brockville and Ottawa. Thursday I will go to Montreal for a couple of days and then...... I was juggling the thought of being in Brussels, Venezuela or Capetown. All for different reasons. In Capetown, I would go full circle. In Venezuela I would slash the cube but in Belgium That is where I will triangle.

reality of a moment

05 Jan 2005


10:17 AM - reality of a moment (many comments)
Current mood: enthralled

Elli: The reality of a moment materializes only when time alters or freezes its value.

Adam: interesting. seems to me though that reality materializes all the time, regardless of value placed or displaced on it....

elli: True, but what about this? As soon as one is near enough to feel. One will apropriate to the element in mention a feeling and that feeling will either desolve or fortify itself in time.


Jake: But how do you know this?

Adam: Well thats the nature of feeling, is it not????

Alex: Interesting... I look at the reality of a moment as something that you can control. You can take it off of time's conveyer belt, open it, inspect it, spread it out on a table, identify each part and reserach the em, and then you can put it back together however you like and throw it back on the conveyer belt. I had a bunch of time poems in Oct. and November... check em out if ya like hny to ya, thanks for sharing that thought.

Elli: Value is always placed upon a resulted situation even if one is jaded by life... what happens then is how the person will react to the feeling.. He can choose not to be affected and if one can't then an automatic reaction will ensue..

Jake: A very calm, aggressive, confident for 2005. I wish I could freeze time but remain conscious or collapse time to get where i am going faster. If death could be postponed...

Rich: Yeah but the reality of a moment mostyl freezes in one's mind when after a series of many deceptive event it has put the heart in a cold state... Otherwise time flows constantly, abonduntly, according to god's will and moves you and puts you on a series of event that takes care of you emotionnally warming up the heart...making it emulate the tempo of it's life... Habitually speaking it is very healthy state...no disease even have time to build into these states... When someone does'nt put any value at all elements in his life it will eventually become lame to the point that things appear dead... I think that the name you have choosen recently...is more likely meaningfull: «wirlwind win» yes indeed, it does !

Elli: I love that time takes it's toll and that a life lived is shown through various outward expressions.. Peace and love take time to grow and if I had to speed things up I would end up rewinding everything wishing to do it all over again. My prayer for 05 is to be still within the motion of passing time.

Jake: i agree. in the "age of tivo" it seems like everyone is in such a hurry to speed though all the bad stuff and get straight to the money shot, so to speak. but without and bad/ evil/ tragedy/ depression/ etc we have nothing with which to relate the good/heroic/joyous/elation/etc. therein lies the rub. your prayer is a beautiful one. i hope you achieve it.

Elli: How true. Strength of mind makes the difference in ones reaction to adversity....To be happy when things go wrong. Philippian 4:4

a ride in the ditch

.1
The girls and I slept well. We went to bed quite early... After a full day of waking at 4h30 in the morning in order to make it on time at J's work. It was so icy up near the house's driveway that when she backed up we sort of landed in the ditch. So we all went inside to the house and spent a couple of hours with the little twins. I helped give them their milk and played with them. You should see how far they burp up the milk. It's like a fountain. When the tow truck arrived I left and spent the day again checking various massage schools. I drove back and picked J and the girls up. They went to see a movie with the client lady. Today, unless I receive more replies from the letters I wrote the schools and my agencies I should be able to stay away from the computer and go play outside.
.2
I spent all afternoon building a fort outside with the girls. We also iced a part of the driveway and fixed a spot light for the skating rink. Now we are going to the gym. Then we watched around the world in 80 days.

not so interesting

I am using the computer in the kitchen. It's nice to have two computers in the house. It really feels like we have unlimited access to the internet. It's seems like the weather is turning on us. Freezing rain is not good for anything unless people have not taking down their christmas lights... this way it's even prettier. At church today there was a potluck and I washed the dishes with a 12 year old boy who thought I was 17.... but it turns out i am the same age as his mom.

fresh pasta

It's been a fun and exiting 04. I feel calm and in no rush to experiment the tragic or release the outrageous. I had a horibly fantastic year in which I have surpassed all expected boundaries of sanity. If 04 could be the only year I retain memory off.... before 05 :) It would still feel as if I have lived a lifetime. I am very exited to embark on my 05 journey. I have a keen interest in pursuing massage therapy and herbalism. I look forward to a year of toxic release and body definition where I will begin the study of the healing arts in New mexico a couple of months at a time in between my extended overseas modeling gigs ie: L.A to South Africa to Europe. :) This way I will go back and forth between all the beautiful countries of the world.. most likely back to where I have been. So I look forward to living moments with all of you again. This year I will be at ease with myself and my suroundings. No running behind parked cars.
May God bless us and continue molding us in this new year.